L-O-V-E. In today’s culture it seems like those four letters when placed together can carry quite a bit of weight. Within one word somebody seems to profess a profound feeling that is unlike any other and the words “I love you” become a force to be reckoned with. However, I can not bring myself to believe that those words are really considered that big of a deal in today’s society. On the surface, yes they should have a lot of meaning, however I question that in most cases… do they?
This weekend, I hung out with a friend of mine who has been dating a guy for a few weeks and is “madly in love” with him. I know what you’re thinking… typical college relationship, and yes, for her that holds true. Like most couples, every time she leaves, ends a phone conversation, or even feels happy she says “I love you”. Even though I believe that she does indeed care a lot about the guy, I can not bring myself to comprehend her meaning it that many times in day. To me, when you say something that many times it quickly loses importance. Instead of actually having a heart felt meaning, it becomes more of a habit. If you were to tell somebody “ I hate you” multiple times a day, do you think that it would mean as much when you actually get pissed off at them and do have hateful feelings towards them? Probably not, mainly because that person would be so used to the words I hate you coming out of your mouth.
I can not tell you how many times I have heard a couple arguing and arguing, During the conversation I hear them say some pretty harsh things. But at a certain point one of them has to leave or hang up the phone. Which is when the oddest thing of all happens… they say “I love you”. How Is this possible? I mean, I know that if you honestly love someone you love them no matter what. But how can you go from cursing someone’s name and wanting just to call everything off to saying “I love you” at the end of it all.
In my opinion, due to over usage, the words “I love you” have lost its meaning and the usual reasoning behind it has lost importance.
In the book, Why Mars and Venus Collide John Gray argues that words in general mean more to women then they do to men. He explains that women really do put a lot of feeling into words they say, whereas men usually speak more on impulse. Although I am sure this is not true with all men, I can definitely find it relevant in today’s society. For example, a good friend of mine said “I love you” to her boyfriend for the first time a few weeks ago, and much to her dismay he didn’t say it back. However the two of them got into a major argument about it and eventually he gave in and said that he “loved her too.” But it occurred to me, that maybe he really didn’t feel that deeply a bout her yet, and said those three words just to appease her. Which I personally think is wrong, but in a way is what society has trained people to do.
Naturally, when someone says “I love you” the noble thing would be to say it back. However, if saying it back means lying.. should you really mention it at all? In my opinion, no. It is by doing this that we as a society have made the words “I love you” so nonchalant and to all those who take a stand against it, I applaud you.
My grandmother always tells me that years ago, saying “the L word” was a big thing. During the whole courting process men and women would say things like “You fascinate me” or “ You astound me” but to say “I love you” was a major move that was considered almost as serious as marriage and through time it has become more and more expected.
Regardless, my point is these days in our society the words “I love you” have lost their meaning, and lack the importance that they once used to have. Those three words are supposed to be the words you say when your feelings are so endearing that they almost can not be expressed in words. So before you go and blurt out “I love you” to whomever it may be next time… Stop. Take a second and realize what you are saying and the meaning behind it and when you say it, all I ask, is that you mean it.
The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them. ~Stephen King
For more info about the book Why Mars and Venus Collide by John Gray -http://www.marsvenus.com/collide/collide.php
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In a way I do agree with your post. You really need to mean something when you say it, or it does lose it's value. But I think saying, "I love you", shouldn't be something you rarely say in life. I'm big on telling those people who are in my life that I do love them, because you never know what could happen tomorrow, and you should want people that mean something to you to know just that. But in retrospect, you shouldn't blurt out those words, or many others if there isn't some kind of feeling or emotion behind them. I think that's what you were saying in your post, unless I got it all mixed up somehow.
ReplyDeleteGood point with the I love you I hate you comment however I do know people (including my mother and stepfather) that say I love you non stop and actually mean it and only say it in fear that they might not be able to say it ever again. I had the opposite thing happen to me that when I was in a four year relationship I only heard those three big words about once every year. It did mean a lot when he said it but it made me think if he even really meant it. I felt like I was forcing the words out of this mouth even though he didn't feel comfortable.
ReplyDeleteI really thought this was an interesting post also because saying I love you is something that I rarely even think about. I read both comments and while I agree that it is important to tell the people around you that you love them (because life is short, as SamuraiGirl pointed out), I think that young people especially, overuse the word, without recognizing its true meaning. I also think its interesting because while it is annoying to be in a relationship where the person hardly ever says "I love you," it can also be just as bad if they say it, but thier actions show differently, or if they overuse the word for every little good thing that happens. Overall nice post enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteA few years back, in a high school speech and debate course, I used a chapter from a self-help book called The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense. The book asserted that men view debates in the board room or office as a kind of game, and thus don't taken it personal. Women, on the other hand, often take these engagements more personally, and thus are offended or confused when, after a brutal encounter, a man wants to go get lunch or socialize. It sounds like Gray is working from a similar point of argument.
ReplyDeleteI get your point about not letting "I love you" become merely phatic. But I will say that you can truly love someone and hate them all at the same time. That's a part of love (or when you really know you are in love), when, even thought they do something that makes you want to throw a brick at their face, you still want to see them the next day.
I love you, words that I hear around friends, family, and use myself. This phrase has lost it meaning. It used to be the highlight the point in the relationship upon which you knew your partner was truely all about you and felt deep feelings that only that four letter word "love" could express. But now, the word love is used in any situation and people fall into its trap. Who is to blame? Men for using it a way of getting sex easier. I once hada friend who told his girlfriend before he left to college that he was going to have sex with other girls and do so many other things but that he "loved" her and would marry her in the end. AND SHE FELL FOR IT! Does the fact that he loves her cover up the rudeness and dumbness of the statement he made? Do we blame women for using it as a way to keep a man around longer. When the word love is used, you feel more tangled in the relationship. Forced to say it back. HOney I love You and Baby do you love me, phrases all used which complicate the relationship more.
ReplyDeleteTo end, I am a vicitim of the word Love, We all are. Everyone wants to be loved by others, and wants to give others the feeling that you love them. We are all to blame and played a part of diminishing the words sincerity.
Sometimes, it is easier to say I love you more than simply saying good night. These are words we long to hear but they are also words that should not be used so lightly. In my eyes, whey I say I love you, I give myself to my love. Sometimes it is reciprocated other times not. For years I heard the words I love you but it felt more like words you would say to a friend or a family member. When you are ready to take that next step in a relationship make sure it is mutual and not just words of convenience. Otherwise, when everthing falls apart, those words just add to the confusion and pain of the end.
ReplyDeleteBeware- these are words that should be well thought out before blurting them out or if the relationship does end, it may be harder to believe those words again.