When I started off this blog I don’t think I completely comprehended what I was about to get myself into. I’ve enjoyed writing it more than I ever thought I could. It has made me look at issues from angles that I never would have thought of before. But above all I have learned that yes as I thought in the beginning men and women are different. But I think more importantly, people are different. Every girl doesn’t fit that stereotype that the society builds them up to be and despite what any book will tell you people deal with situations differently. There is no book that explains the “right way” to go about life and how every single person in the world thinks. No matter how much you read you will never completely understand “opposite sex” as a whole.. mainly because there are parts they don’t even understand themselves. I can’t explain everything about women, there are things that at moments I just don’t get, and that’s ok because if I did understand everything life would be easy, but it would also be boring.
But, by writing this blog I’ve learned there is only two words that seem to matter in a relationship compromise and understanding. If people just take an extra five seconds to think about their actions then that would make life so much easier. However it is much easier said than done. I need to practice that a bit myself. But the key in all of this is to TRY, be for you go off.. go crazy.. blame men/women in general… step back, calm down, and see if it was really worth it.
For now, I myself am going to practice what I preach. I want to thank all of you who have read my blog to any extent. You honestly have opened up my eyes to what was sometimes a different perspective than my own and that was my goal all along. You have given me pointers that I believe I can apply to everyday life and hope I have done the same for you. For now this is goodbye… possibly not forever… but we’ll see.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I’ve grown up in a huge family. I’ve always been close you my uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. However this situation tends to put me smack dab in the middle of little minions who constantly demand my attention… AKA kids. Because of the huge size of my family there never fails to be at least 2-5 little munchkins running around at family get togethers and for some reason they chose to gravitate towards my sister and myself because we are “younger” (or at least that is what we are told). We believe that it’s because we are the only ones crazy enough to participate in their creative adventures. I’ve grown up believing and witnessing that kids really do say the darnest things, they will listen to you usually if you aren’t their parents, and single handily arguments about children can easily tear a relationship to shreds.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard an argument break out in my family over children. “I can’t believe you told them they could do this”, “I told you to put them to bed by this time”, “Why are you yelling at them… they aren’t your children!” … It doesn’t matter what the topic may be it always seems that when that battle erupts the gloves come off and it’s all about to hit the fan. I find these to be among some of the worst arguments I have ever witnessed. One if not both of the people in the argument tend to bring up everything that they have ever seen as wrong in the others parenting. As in every argument the goal of making your side become the more reasonable becomes a trail of insults directed straight at the other person. But for some reason these arguments never really seem to end well because as you are attacking the others parenting skills you are also taking a jab at their beliefs in how you should raise a child.
John Gray writes that people in relationships are bound to be strained by the addition of children. Women tend to want to take the much more nurturing approach and give children a good life but allow them to live their own. Whereas men tend to want to solve the problems of their children, believing that they are helping them make their life easier. The women are also expected to be the primary caregiver for the child, a role placed upon them by society. Which is far from true, yes generally women tend to take the lead role in parenting. But these days more stay at home dads are taking care of children while the women are earning a living. Which brings me to the question… What deems someone as the “right” kind of parent? How do you know that your approach is the correct one? And what gives you the right to call someone out saying that their approach is wrong? Like I said I’ve grown up in a family where there have been tons of children along with a million different opinions on how those children should be raised. To this day I have found no right approach… nobody who has it all correct… and in my opinion no one who has the right to call someone out of their parenting skills. So next time, if you ever find yourself in this argument… just watch it… take a step back and think if you really have the right to make that accusation you are about to make… and is worth everything you could stand to lose if you that attack?
For more info on the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray http://home.marsvenus.com/
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard an argument break out in my family over children. “I can’t believe you told them they could do this”, “I told you to put them to bed by this time”, “Why are you yelling at them… they aren’t your children!” … It doesn’t matter what the topic may be it always seems that when that battle erupts the gloves come off and it’s all about to hit the fan. I find these to be among some of the worst arguments I have ever witnessed. One if not both of the people in the argument tend to bring up everything that they have ever seen as wrong in the others parenting. As in every argument the goal of making your side become the more reasonable becomes a trail of insults directed straight at the other person. But for some reason these arguments never really seem to end well because as you are attacking the others parenting skills you are also taking a jab at their beliefs in how you should raise a child.
John Gray writes that people in relationships are bound to be strained by the addition of children. Women tend to want to take the much more nurturing approach and give children a good life but allow them to live their own. Whereas men tend to want to solve the problems of their children, believing that they are helping them make their life easier. The women are also expected to be the primary caregiver for the child, a role placed upon them by society. Which is far from true, yes generally women tend to take the lead role in parenting. But these days more stay at home dads are taking care of children while the women are earning a living. Which brings me to the question… What deems someone as the “right” kind of parent? How do you know that your approach is the correct one? And what gives you the right to call someone out saying that their approach is wrong? Like I said I’ve grown up in a family where there have been tons of children along with a million different opinions on how those children should be raised. To this day I have found no right approach… nobody who has it all correct… and in my opinion no one who has the right to call someone out of their parenting skills. So next time, if you ever find yourself in this argument… just watch it… take a step back and think if you really have the right to make that accusation you are about to make… and is worth everything you could stand to lose if you that attack?
For more info on the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray http://home.marsvenus.com/
Sunday, November 1, 2009
SPACE…. The Final Frontier
Living in a college setting I have learned very quickly that one aspect that all relationships need is space. There comes a point that spending too much time with one person will drive someone crazy. In every relationship one person always seems to need more space than the other and that is when the problem originally starts. I am that person and personally the fact that I like my space has nothing to do with the person I am with… its simply my personality. No matter who it is there comes a point that I spend to much time with them and I begin to be annoyed… if not by the little things then it is just them in general. But when given a couple days, those hateful thoughts that were at once in my head… disappear as if they were never there in the first place. However the stereotypical girl tends to fall victim to the other side of the argument. She personally finds it hard to give her boyfriend space, mainly because she enjoys his company so much that she feels the need to be around him as much as possible. So.. countless times they end up getting arguments about how he would like more space and she never gives it to him… ITS NEVERENDING… because they are two different personalities who want two different things.
As written in Men are From Mars Women are from Venus, John Gray explains that women tend to be the ones who are more needy and want to spend the maximum amount of time with that special someone, where as men enjoy a certain amount of time but there comes a point when it is too much and at that point they tend to push people away.
So how do you find that compromise in terms of space? Gray writes that first there has to be understanding on both ends, being able to understand how the other person in the relationship feels is very important. For example, me being the person who enjoys my space… I would have to understand that my partner wants to spend as much time possible because he enjoys it, which is kinda flattering when you think about it. But.. on the other hand he would have to understand that spending too much time with me makes me feel smothered at times which is why I need my space. By understanding each others point of views it can be easier to make a compromise in a relationship. He writes “There is a happy medium that can be reached in the majority of cases. It is just finding it that can sometimes be the challenge.”
For more info on the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" http://home.marsvenus.com/
As written in Men are From Mars Women are from Venus, John Gray explains that women tend to be the ones who are more needy and want to spend the maximum amount of time with that special someone, where as men enjoy a certain amount of time but there comes a point when it is too much and at that point they tend to push people away.
So how do you find that compromise in terms of space? Gray writes that first there has to be understanding on both ends, being able to understand how the other person in the relationship feels is very important. For example, me being the person who enjoys my space… I would have to understand that my partner wants to spend as much time possible because he enjoys it, which is kinda flattering when you think about it. But.. on the other hand he would have to understand that spending too much time with me makes me feel smothered at times which is why I need my space. By understanding each others point of views it can be easier to make a compromise in a relationship. He writes “There is a happy medium that can be reached in the majority of cases. It is just finding it that can sometimes be the challenge.”
For more info on the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" http://home.marsvenus.com/
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